The Call of a Lifetime

Five years ago my wife and I gathered around the kitchen table with our three biological kids to share with them our plan to become foster parents.  We asked them to pray about ways that we, as a family, could help other kids who were without “moms and dads or a home,” and then to come and share with us their thoughts. Little did we know that all three of their responses would be a foretelling of our experience as foster parents and, eventually, as adoptive parents.  Here’s what our kids said:

• Child one (our youngest): “Let’s give them all our money!”  While generous, that wasn’t going to work because then we would end up needing a home. But we could reasonably replace that with giving our time and resources.

• Child two: “We could make some of them part of our family.”

• Child three: “We can let some children come live with us.”

Since becoming certified foster parents, my wife and I have devoted our time and resources to the care of young children and have provided a loving and stable home to some kids on a short-term basis and to others on a long-term basis. Best of all, we proudly and happily are now able to call one former foster child our [adopted] son.

Everyone who chooses to foster or adopt, or support those who do, does so for different reasons. For my wife and me, after years of talking about it, we were finally moved by the words of author and activist Star Parker. During a speech, she had this to say about foster care and adoption (and I’m paraphrasing): too many Christians with the ability and resources – like extra beds and additional seats at the dinner table – are foregoing an opportunity to help children have a place they can call home and the chance to experience the love of Jesus Christ.

We were that family she was referring to in her speech – where we were living at the time we had a nice home, an extra bed, space at our dinner table, a dog, and a white picket fence (okay that actually belonged to our neighbors).  It was in that exact moment that we fully embraced God’s heart for orphans, which is expressed in so many places throughout the Bible, and we embarked on an incredible journey that continues today.

For those parents considering fostering or adopting, I’ll be very candid with you: foster care is not always easy. While there’ll be placements filled with good times and laughter, there will also be placements that bring struggles and heartache, and this is what will test your faith.  We must never forget that many of these children have dealt with trauma and abuse that we know nothing about, and they are only acting out because of those experiences. In the end, it is important to remember that these innocent souls deserve our love and care nonetheless.

When considering whether or not to become foster care or adoptive parents, it’s important to learn as much as you can about how it works, as this is a life changing decision. Here are a few basic things I recommend you consider:

1)    Select a Child-placing agency that’s right for your family – It is important to explore all of the child-placing agencies available to determine which one is the best fit for your family. However, I must stress that it’s important for families with strong religious beliefs to work with an agency that shares your same biblical views on marriage, the family unit, and parenting.

2)    Determine the types of child-placements you feel comfortable with – Most faith-based agencies offer therapeutic foster care, which means they are willing to find placements for children who have extreme trauma or behavioral issues with properly trained parents.  Often a faith-based agency that provides therapeutic care is the last placement before a child is transitioned to a group home.  However, it’s important to be open to certain cases as God may use your family for specific purpose.

3)    Decide on the age range – Parents can establish what age range they believe is best for their family. That being said, the agencies have the most difficult time finding placements for teenagers, so it’s important to be flexible.

4)    Choose your level of commitment – There are different ways you can provide loving homes for children. First, there is full-time or long-term placement, in which a child stays with your family for an extended period of time (more than a month).  Second, there is short-term, or respite care, which lasts anywhere from a few days up to a month. And finally, you could provide respite care for other foster care families so they can take a trip out of town or to just give them a reprieve.

5)    Provide financial assistance - While more foster care parents are needed, it’s not always for everyone.  But, you can still be part of this important ministry by providing financial support and resources.  For example, some churches have an “Adopt a Foster Care Family” program, in which a family provides resources and assistance, as needed, to foster care families instead of becoming foster parents themselves.  The resources provided could include cooking meals, paying for groceries, or even taking children to various appointments.

I’ll leave you with this final thought: nowhere in the bible does it mention an “orphanage” or some kind of central place where all orphans live.  When the bible speaks about caring for orphans it’s always in the context of the families who take them into their homes. 

There are a variety different ways we can help a child find a permanent home. For some it might involve actually becoming a foster family and for others it might be supporting a foster care family. Please pray about how your family might be able to help just one child this year and perhaps ask your family and friends to do the same.